I'm not sure how long has it been since I blocked my ex's number, but it sure feels like years already. He said we don't have to be enemy. Though I completely agree with that, staying in contact with him doesn’t seem like a great idea to me. I can no longer demand his daily updates or get mad when he takes forever to respond. I don’t feel like it’s okay for me to call him anytime I want anymore. Because who am I now? I’m no longer his future wife or anything, I don’t have the authority to get involved in his life in any ways. I am nobody to him.
It’s crazy how I’m going to bed every single night, fighting the urge to reach out to him just to see how he’s doing or has he been thinking about me too, or had he seen somebody new at all.
It’s March first and we could’ve been having our third anniversary this very month if things were different. But I can’t fight for love and save us since he refused to meet me halfway. I begged for another ‘let’s try again’ and he didn’t like the idea. As much as I hate to admit it, the painful part of this is that his decision was valid. Things are just not working out for us and the more we hold on to it the more hurtful it’ll be.
I never knew that I’m so bad at handling a heart break, to the point where I went places where even the most bravest warriors won’t go without a sword just so I can forget the pain of losing someone I love for a moment. I went on quite a few Tinder and Bumble dates already. Slept with different men with zero idea what their actual names were or what they are really doing in life. One of them could be a murderer that chose not to unalive me, the possibility is wide open.
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